- Foreign exchange: I know what you’re thinking, you didn’t even do a year of exchange, you stayed here in crappy Ohio. But you see I became close with two amazing people from the other side of the world this school year, and that changed my life. Jil, who was from Germany was in my squad in marching band, and also sat in front of me in chem and became one of my good friends. When she left in January it was really hard for me to say goodbye to her. We still text here and there but it’s just awesome knowing I have a good friend on the other side of the world. Cate, who is from Italy is in band with me as well and has become very close with all the people in my friend group. When she leaves in June it will be very hard saying goodbye to her as well.
- Band: I could go on for a really long time on why band has changed my life, but I’ll just keep it short this time. This year in band I met who I think my lifelong best friends are going to be, and I could not be more thankful for them.
- Powerlifting: I have fallen in love with this sport. My friend Courtney nagged and nagged me to join the team for two years and I finally gave in and it’s probably one of the best decisions I have ever made in the 17 years I have been alive. Not only did I make friends, But I have gained so much confidence from it. I am so grateful for powerlifting and that god gave me the ability to lift such heavy things on my own. I broke a school record at the first meet and by the end of the season had continued to raise the weight on that record which is now set at 275 pounds. Even though I got injured and was out for three weeks, I still lifted and placed at state and I was so proud of myself. Powerlifting has helped my anxiety and depression so much, and also helped me lose weight helping me learn how to love my body a little. and I will forever be thankful for that.
- CBFM/ACT: This year reality hit me that I now was in charge of my life. That from here on out I had to make the decisions on what path to take in my life. Two things made this realization very real. CBFM made me realize that after I graduate high school not everything is as big of a reality as I thought it was, that I won’t be able to do everything if I don’t plan it well. ACTs made me realize how messed up our educational system is and how one wrong answer can mess up your entire future.
- Chemistry: Chemistry made me realize that my hopes of going into pre-med and becoming a Doctor probably won’t become a reality and how many things can stop you from accomplishing your dreams, especially if you don’t try hard enough. It also made me realize how bad I am at testing and how unfair school really is. How teachers want you to memorize all of these things for each class and how hard it is to remember it all and test over all of it. And how much stuff you do and don’t get credit for.
- Mardi Gras: Going to New Orleans in February with my school’s marching band definitely had a big impact on my life. It made me realize how much I love traveling. How throwing yourself into a new place, with a different culture, and trying new foods makes you slowly find who you are. It makes you feel alive. I also proved to myself that I could do so many things on my own. Plus I marched nearly 13 miles without giving up. It was an amazing experience that not everyone gets to go through.
- Not going to any school dances: Not going to any school dances this year made me realize how overrated school dances in high school actually are. You go spend hundreds on a dress you only wear once. Get your hair done in a head aching updo. Wear uncomfortable shoes for a couple of pictures, a dinner that cost $20 and 3 hours of dancing in a hot room full of 300 kids you see every day. I on the other hand went and spent $10 on food and a milkshake, went shopping and had a movie night with some of my best friends and it was more fun than any lame school dance. Just saying.
- Losing weight: From the beginning of the school year to now I have lost nearly 60 pounds and have dropped 4 or 5 pant sizes.( thanks to T and marching band and powerlifting for kicking me in the butt to get me going, it is much appreciated!!) I still have long ways to go till I feel completely comfortable in my body but I already feel so much better.
- Losing friends// getting my heart broken into millions of pieces: This school year I realized what people were actually on my side (I’m still not completely sure who I can trust but I figured a couple people out) and slowly but surely they left my life. Yes, it is hard letting go of someone who you thought was your friend when you are the type of person who doesn’t like to give up on people. But sometimes it’s better for yourself to do it even if it’s hard. I’ve also had my heart completely ripped from my body and I’m trying to regain myself and put myself back together. It’s hard but I’m strong and I’ll make it without the people I had to get rid of.
- Migraines and doctors: I have been going through a literal living hell for about 3ish months now. 16 doctors appointments, 2 ER visits, 14 different medicines, 8 IVs, 6 Injections, 2 CT scans, 1 MRI, and a spinal tap later and no one has been able to figure out why I have such a bad migraine that will not go away. It is affecting my grades, social life, mental health, and mood on a daily basis since late February and I just need it to go away.
- Class of 2017 leaving: This is the first class that I have sat and actually cried about them graduating and I think that is because they have always been there and that I’m really close with most of the (band) kids in that grade. It made me realize I have to get my crap together because I’m next.
- Nature// Photography//blogging: Over the last couple of months I have found a big interest in hiking and taking cool pictures of nature and abandoned buildings. To me other than music it’s my favorite way to express myself. Blogging has also help me express myself, I just write whatever I’m feeling and it’s great.
Sooooooo, here we are again. Yet another school year coming to an end. Another summer rapidly approaching. But to me this isn’t no ordinary summer. Not only is this summer more then likely the last summer of being a “kid”, it’s also the summer where we have to start putting all the puzzle pieces together and start figuring out the rest of our lives. We start going on College tours. Applying for colleges or swearing into the military. It’s the last of first days of school, last first games, last band camps, last homecoming, last everything. It’s the beginning of the end of the last 12 years of our lives. Everything is going to lead right up to the last moment of it all, graduation. What’s scary to me is that in a matter of 9 months your future will pretty much be planned. From august to may.
So this summer do anything and everything (legal) and have the best summer ever. One of your last actual summers. Please spend time with your family, especially your siblings, during the school year, I know that I’m not not home that much so summer is the time I see my family the most. But we will all be gone soon so spend time with them. Let your mom take all the pictures she wants. Listen to your dads jokes and laugh. Listen to your grandparents tell stories over lunch. Go swimming or camping with your siblings. Just enjoy the summer with the people who love you, whether that’s family or friends or both just spend time with them.
Please take in all the wonderful things about school, and the terrible. Thank the teachers that have helped you get this far. Go to all the school dances, the pep rally’s, participate in things like sports and variety show, go to school games, become friends with kids you would have never talked to last year.(people change, people are also better once you get to know them) come to school everyday (or at least most), do your work, keep your grades up. Just don’t let Senioritis control you.
Just enjoy the next year.
Anna Maria Island FL- a frequent vacation spot for my entire family since my mom was kid. One of my favorite places in the world.
Blue- the color of my eyes
Cincinnati Reds- my favorite baseball team
Disney– I was a Disney kids growing up
Eva and Elle– my dogs
Frizzy hair- I have an afro
Grace- my middle name
Happiness- something I’m trying to find
Italian- my mother’s family is Italian
Jazz band- my favorite class of the day
Kiera- my sister’s name
Lifting- my favorite thing to do
Michigan- my favorite college football team, GO BLUE!
Nice- people tell me I’m too nice. I can’t say no
Ohio- my home state
Purple- my favorite color
Running- a thing I don’t do
Springfield– the city I was born and raised in
Taurus- my zodiac sign
Upperclass man- I’m a junior
Whale- my favorite animal
Xylophone- not an instrument I play but it’s the only word I could come up with
Yellow springs- my favorite place in Ohio
Zits- my worst enemy
so here is an update of my life:
so 2 weeks ago ( march 9 ) I started having a migraine. at the time I thought it was just a stress migraine, I get them quite frequently due to my overthinking and anxiety. school and stressing over school work is also another big reason of having my stress migraine. With my stress migraines, I just take some pain medicine and it goes away. well, this wasn’t the case, I took some Ibuprofen and went to bed. I woke up the next morning with the same migraine but even stronger, this has been nonstop for the last 2 weeks. It hasn’t gone away and has been mostly in my right eye, but sometimes in both. I have had a total of 10 doctors appointments in the last week. these doctor appointments have included: 2 shots, 5 blood draws, 4 IVs, 12 different medications ( most of which being pain killers that have done nothing but make my stomach hurt), 2 CT scans, 1 ER visit and the thing I would highly not recommend 2 spinal taps. For people who don’t know what a spinal tap is let me just explain. A spinal tap is a very long ( 1.5 in- 10.5 in. needle plus a 2-9 in. base) needle stuck in your back and then stuck between the two vertebrae in your back. The doctor then sucks spinal fluid from your spinal cord measuring your pressure and testing the fluid. All of this taking about 15 mins, well you are laid completely still in a ball, high on pain medicine trying not move due to the fact that if you move you will be paralyzed. It was very very very painful and difficult to not move well they move the needle around in your back.
so well enduring all of this trying to figure out what is wrong we have only come to one thing figured out, I thankfully don’t have a brain tumor. that is all we can figure out is not wrong with me. so I’m hoping for some answers because this migraine is getting annoying.
You pour your heart into everything and everyone. Yet you don’t leave anything for yourself. You are that friend that is always there for everyone whether it’s 2 pm or 4 am, you are there ready to listen and help. You have a hard time saying no to people because you don’t like letting people down. You would light yourself on fire if it meant making someone else happy. You destroy yourself, change yourself, just to make others happy. Well you do all of this for others you end up leaving yourself empty with nothing left to give yourself when you need it. You have lost yourself along the way and now you are just surviving, living for others use and others happiness.
It’s okay to want to be there for people, to be nice to people, but you need to stop giving them everything and save some of you for you. Trust me I know it’s hard, but it’s also hard being empty and not having love for yourself.
Well you see they expect a lot from us in these last two years of high school and trying to find the time and energy to get it all done is so very hard.
We have to go for 8 hours to school, study for countless test and quizzes that our teachers give us, do countless hours of homework for our 6+ classes, participate in school sports and clubs, help out in the community, keep our grades up, have a social life, stay healthy, go to the gym, go to the doctor, get 8 hours of sleep a night, see our families, go to family events, get jobs, actually work those jobs, get our license, do chores, help around the house, take state test so we can graduate, take the ACT, visit colleges, apply for colleges, keep a good gpa, and have a good attendance at school, keep healthy relationships with everyone in our life’s… all well we should still act like kids and be normal teenagers and enjoy high school. Now please tell me how we are supposed to do this and remain mentally stable…
Mardi Gras was truly an amazing experience. From conquering my fear of boats, walking down Bourbon street, eating beignets at café du monde, watching a jazz band at preservation hall,holding a baby alligator, meeting Flo Rida, marching in an almost 12 mile parade and completely embracing and falling in love with the New Orleans life and culture. And to add even more value to this almost priceless experience I got to spend it with some of my closest friends, and 2nd family. I’m truly grateful for all of the memories and amazing things that I got to experience this week.
Although the parade that was 5 hours and 12 miles long was: long and tiring and caused me so much pain, I would definitely go back and do it again. All of the people cheering, high fives, beads, and floats was such an amazing sight. The greatest feeling in the world is feeling completely exhausted and feeling like you can’t take another step or your legs will go out from underneath of you and playing one more note will make your lungs explode and you come around the corner and see the superdome, lit up, and full of thousands of people and realizing you made it, that you proved yourself wrong, because you really didn’t think you were going to make it.
This trip was a truly amazing experience and is one of the many reasons that I truly love and appreciate band. I really wish that everyone in high school got opportunities like this because it really impacts your life in so many ways.
Our best friends
Our rights protected by the constitution
Our white privilege
And The fact that we live in the United States of America
Our law enforcement
The endless supply of water and food
Trees that give us oxygen
The atmosphere that protects of from the harsh things in space
Our ability to walk
Our ability to talk
Our ability to breath
Our ability to hear and play music
Our ability to see
Our ability to laugh
Our ability to function as normal humans
In my opinion most of us take advantage of so many things and I really don’t think we realize it.
This is for the best friend, parent, teacher, or other members of society that don’t really understand what it is actually like to have a real anxiety disorder.
I’d like to start off by saying, we know we sound ridiculous. We know that most of what we are saying or thinking makes no sense to you. To be completely honest with you, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to us either.
Anxiety and having an actual anxiety disorder is two completely different things. Having anxiety about having a test, or going to try out for a team or part in a play is a different type of anxiety then pretty much living in a constant state of panic and fear. Living with an actual anxiety disorder is overthinking things “normal people” wouldn’t think twice about. It’s getting nervous for every single thing, even for things that make us really happy. Living with an actual anxiety disorder is sleep for 2 days because we are so tired from having 3 or 4 panic attacks, to having 2 to 3 nights of no sleep because you stay up all night staring at the ceiling over thinking anything and everything. It’s learning how to calm yourself down in public, or finding ways to hide your anxiety from everyone. Having an actual anxiety disorder is trying to be rational with the crazy thoughts that are running through your head. It’s not being able to get out of bed some days because it feels like the weight of a thousand men are sitting on your chest and your thoughts are like a hurricane. It’s giving yourself a pep-talk to be able to get out of bed on the mornings staying in bed isn’t an option.
Living with anxiety is trying to find yourself under all the madness going on inside of you. It’s trying to keep control of your life, and not letting the anxiety control it. It’s trying to find a way to breathe and stay calm. Its simply trying to live as normal as possible.
This is school year I joined the power lifting team here at school. I was really nervous that I wouldn’t be able to lift that much. This would be the first school sport I would be playing, and for some reason that made me really nervous. But now as I’m sitting in a gym surrounded by hundreds of kids who have all fallen in love with the same sport, I could not be happier with my decision. Going into my first practice at the end of November with only 2 weeks to prepare for my first meet I was extremely nervous that I would not be good enough, or wouldn’t be able to get the right form to lift enough weight. Fast forward two weeks, the morning of my first meet I was so scared. I couldn’t stop moving, my stomach hurt so bad and i was nervous wreck. My first event was dead lift. Like I said, at the beginning of all of this i was so nervous i wouldn’t be able to lift enough. My first lift was 220 pounds. I got it, my nerves calmed a little. My second lift, 240 pounds. I got it. My coach decided to tell the judge my next weight without me knowing so i wouldn’t overthink it and doubt myself. That made me nervous because that means he sent me over my max. My third lift was 260 pounds. I got it up. My next event was bench, my highest weight lifted was 80 pounds. This gave me a total of 340 pounds. I wasn’t expecting to place because there were so many girls. When they got to varsity 185+ weight class, I wasn’t expecting my name to be called, but it was. I had gotten 3rd place at my first meet and couldn’t be more proud of myself. Since this is my first year I had no clue that there were school records for power lifting. On Monday at practice my coach came up to me and tells me that i broke a record from 2011 for a dead lift of 235 pounds on Sunday with my dead lift of 260 pounds. I instantly was in shock. Since then I’ve broken or reset the record 3 more times including today. Like i said i’m writing this well sitting in a hot gym surrounded by hundreds of people that have fallen in love with the same sport that i have, I didn’t mention that I’m in Michigan. Today I set a PR and reset or re broke the school record with 275 pounds.
This sport has given me so much more confidence. I have learned that you can beat your goals as long as you push yourself to work hard enough. I have learned that most things in life that scare us or stop us from doing things is mostly mental, that it’s your way of thinking that helps you be successful. You have to believe you can, to do it.