-100000000/10 would not recommend

so here is an update of my life:

so 2 weeks ago ( march 9 ) I started having a migraine. at the time I thought it was just a stress migraine, I get them quite frequently due to my overthinking and anxiety. school and stressing over school work is also another big reason of having my stress migraine. With my stress migraines, I just take some pain medicine and it goes away. well, this wasn’t the case, I took some Ibuprofen and went to bed. I woke up the next morning with the same migraine but even stronger, this has been nonstop for the last 2 weeks. It hasn’t gone away and has been mostly in my right eye, but sometimes in both. I have had a total of 10 doctors appointments in the last week. these doctor appointments have included: 2 shots, 5 blood draws, 4 IVs, 12 different medications ( most of which being pain killers that have done nothing but make my stomach hurt), 2 CT scans, 1 ER visit and the thing I would highly not recommend 2 spinal taps. For people who don’t know what a spinal tap is let me just explain. A spinal tap is a very long ( 1.5 in- 10.5 in. needle plus a 2-9 in. base) needle stuck in your back and then stuck between the two vertebrae in your back. The doctor then sucks spinal fluid from your spinal cord measuring your pressure and testing the fluid. All of this taking about 15 mins, well you are laid completely still in a ball, high on pain medicine trying not move due to the fact that if you move you will be paralyzed. It was very very very painful and difficult to not move well they move the needle around in your back.

so well enduring all of this trying to figure out what is wrong we have only come to one thing figured out, I thankfully don’t have a brain tumor. that is all we can figure out is not wrong with me. so I’m hoping for some answers because this migraine is getting annoying.

An open letter to the girl that puts everyone else before herself

You pour your heart into everything and everyone. Yet you don’t leave anything for yourself. You are that friend that is always there for everyone whether it’s 2 pm or 4 am, you are there ready to listen and help. You have a hard time saying no to people because you don’t like letting people down. You would light yourself on fire if it meant making someone else happy. You destroy yourself, change yourself, just to make others happy. Well you do all of this for others you end up leaving yourself empty with nothing left to give yourself when you need it. You have lost yourself along the way and now you are just surviving, living for others use and others happiness.

It’s okay to want to be there for people, to be nice to people, but you need to stop giving them everything and save some of you for you. Trust me I know it’s hard, but it’s also hard being empty and not having love for yourself.  

 

How’s life going rn 

Well you see they expect a lot from us in these last two years of high school and trying to find the time and energy to get it all done is so very hard.

We have to go for 8 hours to school, study for countless test and quizzes that our teachers give us, do countless hours of homework for our 6+ classes, participate in school sports and clubs, help out in the community, keep our grades up, have a social life, stay healthy, go to the gym, go to the doctor, get 8 hours of sleep a night, see our families, go to family events, get jobs, actually work those jobs, get our license, do chores, help around the house, take state test so we can graduate, take the ACT, visit colleges, apply for colleges, keep a good gpa, and have a good attendance at school, keep healthy relationships with everyone in our life’s… all well we should still act like kids and be normal teenagers and enjoy high school. Now please tell me how we are supposed to do this and remain mentally stable…