Let’s be practical

They lied to us. They told us since we were 3 or 4 that we could do whatever we wanted when we grew up. That anything was possible. So we all had this career that we wanted since we were little. Some of us wanted to be doctors, some of us actors or singers, some of us teachers, or pro-football, basketball or baseball players. But now they tell us that most of those things aren’t practical. That they won’t get us anywhere in life because “ It’s hard to make it in the world of” insert whatever your 8 year old self wanted to become. All the adults that i’ve talked to aren’t worried about what i actually want to do in life, they are worried about how much money i’ll make and if i’ll have a stable life after college. If i’ll be able to get a job with the degree i’m spending thousands on. Yes I agree that we need to make sure whatever we decide to go into will make us enough money, but we should also focus on the fact of will the career we are going into be something that will make us happy, is it something we want to spend the rest of our life doing. I hate seeing people say that they want to be something but then realize that they wouldn’t make a enough money so they change their mind and pick something that they will make enough money in, not something that they are passionate about or something that will make them happy. Since I was about 7 fashion, art and photography have always been one of my favorite things. I love drawing floor plans, designing rooms, clothes, taking pictures. But my parents have told me since high school started that i need to pick something practical. Something with a definite plan. So I changed my mind to therapy, psychology. Something that deals with working with kids and helping people with their problems. But now my parents are worried about how much my college will cost. To go to my dream college it would cost over $104,000 for just the first 4 years. So they want me to pick something smaller, something less expensive. So yet again they are more worried about money.
I really find it sad how money is what people are so worried about. I wish more people would focus on what will make you happy more then what will make you money. So go, do what you want. Think back to when we were younger and they told us we can be anything. Don’t let that be a lie. Think of your happiness before your bank account. Practical is trying hard and following your dreams, not lowering your standards and doing something you don’t find joy in. Really if anyone or anything isn’t practical, it’s them.


Rock Reflection

For my rock, I painted the world ” relax” on it. In 2017 I want to try and stick to the word ” relax”. I suffer from Hyperactive anxiety disorder. As someone who suffers from an anxiety disorder, I am hardly ever relaxed. I am usually freaking out, or worrying about multiple things at once. So my goal for 2017 is to not let my anxiety control my life and mood. To try and think rationally about things and stay calm and relaxed.


I have hit a point in my life where I just don’t know what I want. Last week I was called down into the guidance office for a credit check. The counselor did the normal run through of the; classes I have taken. She told me that I only need .25 of a credit to graduate next year. She then asked the question that has been hovering over me for the last several months that I just can’t seem to answer; What do you want to do when you leave here? My reaction to this question… I laughed. I began to tell her that I thought working with kids is something that I have always thought about doing. That psychology sounded cool, I always have thought to learn about the way people behave and why they do the things they do sound really interesting. I also told her that I love history and thought about being a 5th-grade history teacher. She went on to tell me different careers I could pursue and classes to take for next year. I walked out of the credit check with an even bigger cloud over me, and I’ll I could say is I don’t know.

To be completely honest I have no clue what I want to do once I’m done with highschool. Just the thought of graduating high school makes me anxious. I want to accomplish so much in life. I want to travel the world, engulf myself in new cultures, learn new languages, try weird foods and meet amazing new people. I want to go to college, graduate, get a job and make it into a career that I love, so I never work a day in my life. Get married, have and adopt children. Be able to give my kids that best life possible. Make enough money and not struggle like my parents. But where to start all of this I have no clue. This is where the “ I don’t know” comes in. What career path should I take? where should I go to college at? Do I travel or go to college first? My answer to all of these questions right now: I DON’T KNOW. I don’t know who I am yet. Or what my why is yet.

The fact that we have to figure most of this out within the next year and a half is very scary. I feel like I only started high school yesterday.  Time flies in high school and I have realized that Growing up sucks. I wish I would have not stressed the last 3 years as much as I did and just lived because before I know it ill being walking across stage with a cap and gown on and the rest of my childhood will be over with and my new and most stressful part of my life will begin and I’m not sure I’m ready.download-4

“Happy Friday! What We All Want in Life!” Jelanie. N.p., n.d. Web. 20 Dec. 2016.

What would you do?

In the book ” The Future of us” by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler,  the two main characters Josh and Emma get there first computer. When they log on to the internet for the first time they find Facebook. The strange thing is in the book it is 1996. Facebook has not been created and will not be created for fifteen years. They slowly find out that this strange website they are looking at is their future. They begin to find out that every small thing they do changes something down the road. So they try to do things to change who they marry and every other major things in their life.

So this got me thinking, what would you do if you could see your future?

I wouldn’t like to see my future I would be nervous I would mess it up in some big way.

traveling vs college?

Traveling the world is something I have always dreamed of doing. I want to meet new people, learn new languages, try weird new foods, and engulf myself in new cultures. But as the end of Highschool comes closer and closer I have realized that maybe traveling the world isn’t has big of a possibility as I think it is. For one, it isn’t as safe out there as it used to be. This world is a crazy place. Second, money. Traveling is so expensive. Third, college. I want to go to college, and further my education.

Those three things have made me rethink something that I have always dreamed of doing.  I know that there is much more good in the world than what the media shows us. That I’m in danger just by sitting in my house, because anything can happen to anyone, anywhere at anytime. I know that a gap year, study abroad, and foreign exchange is always an option.  I have also thought about just not going to college and taking off and teaching myself as I travel, you can learn a lot when you engulf yourself in new cultures and step out of your comfort zone. But later on in life when I turn in my resume to apply for a job, a high school degree and traveling the world won’t look as well next to someone with a bachelor’s degree. The one thing that discourages me the most is money. It is very expensive to travel and if I want to go to college it will be nearly impossible until I’m older and financially stable. I just need to stay focused and work hard so I one day can reach these goals. I think trying to prove yourself wrong is one of the best motivators than anything else.


Everyone has something that helps them calm down. It keeps them sane. For some people, it’s a person, their dog, or reading. For me it’s music. If it wasn’t for music I’d probably be mentally insane. Whether I’m just sitting in my room, driving,or doing my homework music is full blast. It’s the only way I can think and concentrate without overthinking. That’s why I hate silence, I overthink everything. Testing sucks because not many teachers play music and I can’t concentrate.


At a bonfire this weekend surrounded by some of my closest “band” friends I realized how much band has impacted my high school career.

From the first day of rookie camp to the last day of your senior year, band is a part of every single day. You create friendships and relationships that change you as a person. You become a family.

Band teaches you life lessons. Band teaches you to work as a team. To multi-task. That early is on time, on time is late, and being late is something you shouldn’t be. That if you take things one step at a time you’ll eventually master it and overcome your problems. You also learn to read music which is like another language. Band programs your mind to think a different way.  

But one thing I’ve realized the most is that everyone in band including myself complaints about band all the time, but the truth is most of us would be completely different people without band. Most of us would miss it if we quit like we say we are going to do all the time. I have no clue where I would be without band, the people I have made friendships with and the lessons I have learned. I truly do not regret my decision for joining band even if I act like I hate it all the time.


Mental health awareness week was 2 weeks ago and I decided to talk about what it’s like living with a severe anxiety disorder.

Living with anxiety is constantly thinking someone is talking about you

Living with anxiety is being scared of everything especially the things you can’t control

Living with anxiety is needing constant reassurance from the people in your life that you aren’t being annoying, and that they don’t hate you

Living with anxiety is always have a nauseous worried feeling in your gut

Living with anxiety is staying up till 4 am because your mind is running 20 miles an hour

Living with anxiety is thinking negatively about yourself

Living with anxiety is having your friends think you are crazy

Living with anxiety is not wanting to get out of bed some mornings because it feels like the weight of a thousand elephants is sitting on your chest but freaking out because if you don’t get out of bed you might fail your class, so you get out of bed anyway.

Living with anxiety is panic attacks when you’re hanging out with friends and overthinking something that happened 5 years ago, or panic attacks at 2 am in your dark room.

Living with anxiety is not being able to sit still, and always fidgeting.

Living with anxiety is faking a smile even when you aren’t okay.

Living with anxiety is a living hell, a war within your mind.

Don’t grow up, it’s a trap

Since a young age, we have all said millions of times before that we can’t wait to grow up. Well, I don’t think I’m the only one who is really missing having no cares in the world and being a little kid.
We have all grown up a lot and can probably agree it isn’t as great as it looked when we were 8. Most of us can drive, have jobs and are slowly becoming independent and supporting ourselves. We have so much more responsibilities now than before. Our parents aren’t hovering over us all the time now.                                                                          And to make all of this even more stressful, in the next 2 years, we will be turning 18, graduating high school, hopefully, because sometimes that looks like a long shot. We will be applying for colleges, and having to figure out what we want to do with the rest of our lives. I don’t know about you but all of that sounds pretty scary to me.


Bucket list

This is my Bucket list as of 16. This is a really random post but it’s all I could come up with.

  • Hug a koala
  • Go to Disneyland
  • Have my future told to me by a fortune teller ( just for fun)
  • Live in a different country ( for at least 6 months)
  • Visit all 50 states
  • Go to Niagra Falls
  • See all 7 wonders of the world
  • Graduate college
  • Go to Australia
  • Swim with dolphins
  • See the Northern Lights
  • Visit Europe (most of Europe)
  • Donate blood
  • Adopt
  • Serve in a charity organization in a 3rd world country
  • Go whale watching
  • NYC on New Year’s, and Thanksgiving
  • Get a tattoo
  • Ride an elephant
  • Ride a gondola in Italy